Speech to my Daughter on her Bat Mitzvah (March 30, 2019)

Maren—I want you to know that I am so very proud of you for what you have accomplished here today in reaching this significant milestone in your life.

Looking around at everyone here—it is a real testament to your ability to bring people together and speaks volumes to who you are as a person—and what you mean to so many that they are all here to mark this special occasion with you. Thank you to everyone that came today, and especially those from out of town who came to be a part of today.

Maren, I want you to especially know how much I have personally looked forward to this very moment for quite some time now—because NOW I finally have your attention—where you cannot pretend to be paying attention to me—while staring at your iPhone and checking posts on your Instagram and other social media feeds.

In what seems like an increasing amount of rare moments these days—at least for this one—you are stuck here right now having to listen to your dad.

In preparing what I wanted to say to you today I did what most folks in such situations do in terms of seeking guidance and advice—hence, naturally I turned to google which resulted in a wealth of ideas as I set out on my approach and sat down to prepare these remarks.

One of the ideas I came across was to find themes and relate them to your Torah portion. I figured it would be a smooth exercise to incorporate them and the deeper spiritual meaning into this speech.

Then I read the portion—learned a great deal about what G-d told the Jewish people in regards to what animals they could eat in terms of which ones were clean and which were considered the unclean animals—and thought…wow this topic is a tough one to digest, no pun intended!

Now admittedly, the portion was a bit of a stumper in trying to find a good bridge in preparing my remarks. That is why after hearing your explanation in describing your interpretation of the Torah portion and how you thought of the unclean animals that were spoken of—as ones that G-d didn’t want the Jewish people to eat—because they were to be saved and rather protected as opposed to something being wrong with them—well, your interpretation put me in awe in its originality and way of looking at things—that no theme or correlation I could draw upon could do better to discuss its significance than how you did today!

So staring down at the draft of my remarks with the name of your Torah portion written in my notes—I thought to myself—what’s in a name—and that’s when it hit me—everything.

Miriam.

Your Hebrew name, Miriam, has its significance in the Jewish faith as being the older sister of Moses. The name itself first appears in the book of Exodus and actually means "bitter sea," because she was born at a time when the Egyptians embittered the lives of the Jews. Miriam, however, remained sweet despite the hardships around her, giving Jews courage in those difficult times. She is often described throughout her life as a person endowed with gentleness and a nurturing ability—but at the same time someone with great courage and strength to stand up for what she believes in.

These characteristics of being (1) Gentle, (2) Nurturing, (3) Courageous and (4) Strong are no stranger to you as those that know you well can attest too.

I observed these traits in Maren on a recent trip the two of us took to Maryland a couple weeks ago to visit her grandfather who has been quite ill in the hospital the past couple months and unfortunately could not make the trip up here today.

As a son, it’s hard to see your father in a situation where he is not well—and at the same time be the dad making the judgement call as to what to say to your little girl in letting her know about a situation that you’re aware will upset and disappoint her a month prior to this big day.

It was in this moment though—between the tears shed and the difficulty of explaining the seriousness of the situation—that I watched and realized something about my little girl--

The same little girl who would…

sneak off at family Hanukah parties at age 2 and be caught devouring cookies—quietly out of sight hiding in a corner of Grammy and Grampy’s house leaving no crumb of evidence behind.

The same little girl who would…

wait until her dad had dozed off on the couch before proceeding to paint his fingernails with an assortment of rainbow colors—prior to pulling back his eyelids to awaken him from his slumber.

The same little girl who would…

come running out into the front yard and cannon ball herself into the big pile of leaves her dad just spent hours raking up.

The same little girl who would…

insist upon waking up before 6 in the morning and venturing out onto the beach while on family vacations to collect the finest seashells the sands of the jersey shore had to offer.

The same little girl who would…

Take to a stage, play an instrument—sing and dance and step to her own beat as she has done courageously time and time again.

THIS same little girl of mine—looked at me during this difficult talk and asked to go visit with her grandfather in the hospital—wanting to make the trip to see him—since she understood that he would not be able to make the trip here today…

It was at that moment, and during the course of our trip to visit him, that I saw all these things come together regarding her gentle nature—nurturing concern—courageous spirit—and strong will in the person before me.

A person who is no longer the same little girl—but who has clearly come into her own as the young woman standing here today before this Congregation.

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Maren, your Hebrew namesake Miriam—her overarching contribution and symbolism to the Jewish people was aptly described in an older writing that stated she “dispels despair with the light of hope, enthusiasm, and faith in the future.”

It was only fitting then, and with that in mind, to look back on what you said to Grampy right before we left the hospital to come back home.

You turned to him and told him, “Grampy the next time I come back to visit—I want to see you better and back at your home.”

All this being said—I would be remiss to not humbly recognize that there are others that are no longer with us today but played a significant part in helping to shape you into the young woman you are now.

Maren—all your life—through times of turbulence—challenges—heartache—and joy—you have steadfastly been one to look at the promise and good in situations.

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Maren, in becoming a Bat Mitzvah you have taken a significant step into your adult Jewish life—one that further binds you to an ancient and enduring people.

The teachings, history and traditions of our faith have many times faced peril, persecution and countless challenges over the ages—and yet they have withstood the test of time.

As you continue to learn more about your heritage and faith—while traversing through an ever changing landscape as you grow, learn and experience—never lose sight of who you are—where you come from—as you are here today standing upon the shoulders of giants who have come before you.

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Maren, while today holds great significance—it is one achievement in what will be a lifetime full of experiences. While we all look forward to embracing the celebration of today’s accomplishment—the true significance and measure of this experience is not so much in how you perform in one day—but rather what will be measured in all your days to come.

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My blessings and wishes for you Maren are that you continue to value and treasure your family with that light and joy that comes from being a daughter and sister in the lives of Shay and myself—your siblings—Joey, Kaley and Grace and your mother and Michael.

May you appreciate the opportunities that come to fruition in your life.

May you have the courage to stand for your convictions with a strong sense of ethics and an incorruptible moral compass to guide your way.

May you continue to find passion for social justice and stand up for those treated unjustly.

May you know health and happiness and see your hopes and dreams realized.

May you accept responsibility, take pride in what you do and maintain a sense of humor—so as to laugh with others, and at yourself on occasion.

Most of all—may you always know that wherever life takes you—whatever paths lay out before you—I will always be so very proud of you—as you are one of my truest blessings—and no matter how the days and years unfold—you will always have your mom and dad’s love and support.

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Shabbat Shalom and Mazel Tov.